02.22.10
Posted in Work in Progress at 2:51 pm by Deb
Good Gods, so much has happened since my last post. I actually finished sculpting the Mermaids yesterday. They never made it to Faeriecon. Gotta post more pictures. Got the museum display done, show is over, it's back in the workshop.
Today begins my 8th week back at the Big Bad Bank. So far, things are much better than my last tour here–I won't go into detail here–I save that for the private rant blog so I don't get busted blogging about work. It's gotten me in trouble before.
All that said, I need to quit posting so much in the "rant" blog and get back to posting the good stuff here.
FaerieCon was yet another wash. Proof yet again that Joe Public does not "get" the idea of OOAK dolls as art. I did the Art Museum show on the 12th of December, and to my shock, I sold the bubble fairy. By then I knew I had the bank job back, so I turned around and blew my profits on a new purse from the vendor next to me. I love it, and dammit, I deserved it.
So, after hitting rock-bottom financially, I'm back to raking in the cash at the bank. I'm also working my ass off for it, but that's ok. Things had gotten so tight while working at the GS, I actually broke down and applied for a night job at WaWa. I never heard from them, and just as well for three weeks later, I heard from the Bank.
I had a shot at a telecommuting job in Baltimore, which had me kind of excited, but alas, they hired someone else. No biggie, since I'd already said yes to the bank. I wonder if I have the self-discipline to work from home anyway–it would be just too tempting to go work on dolls and leave the real work till the last minute. I suppose I could do it if I had to–it would just be hard to resist the temptation and all the distractions. People have said to me "wouldn't you miss being around other people?" Fuck no. I LIKE being alone. I'm hardly the misanthrope that Jim is, but there's hardly anyone here I'd miss if I left.
I all but quit the Brandywine Harps. I blew off the last two Mini Club meetings. I may just bag the club altogether. I've had to let some things go in order to keep from overextending myself. The BHO was starting to get to me–too many concerts, way too many rehearsals, and I can't keep up with the music anyway. Janet is taking it in an almost professional direction, and I just can't go there with it. I still do the website, and I might do a couple of the fall concerts, but for now, I'm out. It's kind of a bummer, but I got so I was dreading every rehearsal and concert. It's nice to come home after work and know I don't have to be somewhere.
I've cleaned up my attitude toward work too. It makes all the difference in the world. I used to drag myself in here, hating every minute of it, dreading every day of it, feeling like a loser. Now I rejoice in the fact that we're not broke anymore, and am making a point of not blowing the money we make foolishly like I did before.
I've had to modify a few dreams too, but it brings them closer to being real. The log house has gone by the wayside, replaced by a small modular cape cod that I pray we'll be able to order by the end of the year. By then, we'll have money saved, bills paid off or at least down by half, and hopefully I'll still have a job at the bank.
I've made my cube more comfortable than before. I miss that fabulous office at the GS, but it was going away soon anyway with their impending move. So I'm making the best of it, and being grateful for being here every day of the week.
So here I am blogging on my lunchbreak, happy to be able to just sit by myself if I want. I'm hoping I can get them to hire me full-time by the time my 18 months are up here. I've seen other contract employees, good workers even, get let go and replaced just so the bank doesn't get in trouble for keeping contractors too long. Word on the rumor mill is it's 18 months and it's hire-em-or-fire-em, according to legal.
It's mostly good at the moment, and I can't complain.
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10.22.09
Posted in Work in Progress, Pinup Mermaid at 11:23 am by Deb
The other of two dolls in the mad scramble to finish for FaerieCon! If I can get these two done in addition to finishing my Pyle Horse diorama, I'll be in good shape. I still have that cool green bottle I want to use for an Absinthe Fairy, but I have to get these ladies finished first.
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Posted in Work in Progress, African Mermaid at 11:15 am by Deb
One of two works in progress that I'm scrambling to get done for FaerieCon. Also my first attempt at an african figure. Haven't decided yet what color her tail and fin will be.
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Posted in General at 9:20 am by Deb
I have got to stop going back to bed in the morning after Jim leaves for work. An extra couple of hours of sleep is nice, but for the past couple of weeks, all it gets me is weird dreams.
Can't always remember them, but they involve me searching for things I can't find, realizing I forgot to wear any pants to work, trying to get someone to listen to me who can't even tell I'm there…stuff like that. But the last one really freaked me out. I was at Mom & Dad's house, as if I lived there now, and all the cats were outside baiting a huge rattlesnake. I couldn't get them to leave it alone. Then Ratt got bit on the paw and limped away, just as Jim came out to shoot the thing. He kept telling me he didn't see a snake anywhere, while I screamed "it's right by your feet, you idiot!" Then I woke up, all weirded out.
Sometimes I wonder if it's my conscience telling me I should get my lazy ass out of bed and be doing something productive like practicing harp or working in the studio.
I did get up this morning, and saw one of the most incredible sunrises we've had since we've been here.
No more sleeping in.
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10.21.09
Posted in Rants & Laments at 10:38 am by Deb
UPDATE: On Friday the 23rd I got a call from A-I saying they would refund my money. WOO HOO!!!!
This is the email I just sent to A-1 sanitation:
To whom it may concern,
I would like to say that in the past, we have always had good service from Boulden/A-1 sanitation when renting the portable toilet for our annual bonfire party. In the past, the unit was delivered on the Friday before the party, and picked up the following Monday with no problem.
However this year, I’m sorry to say, we had problems.
First, I asked that the unit be delivered on Friday the 16th of October, since I would be home from work that day to pay the driver. Instead, I got a call just as I pulled into work on Thursday the 15th from the driver informing me that he was on his way to my home with the unit and would be there in about 5 minutes. That morning, I had been considering cancelling the order when I got to work, because the weather forecast looked bad. I should have told him to take it back when he called. But instead, I had to leave work, drove home and wrote a check for a unit I was pretty sure we wouldn’t be using. Later that day, I called and inquired about having the unit picked back up and as to whether we might get a partial refund since it was delivered on the wrong day, and we hadn’t and wouldn’t be using it. I was told there would be no refund since it had already been delivered, but that we could keep it for the following weekend at no charge if we wanted to re-schedule our event, which was a nice gesture. Unfortunately, we couldn’t reschedule, so I asked that the unit be picked up at the company’s earliest convenience and simply wished I’d had the good sense to tell him not to deliver it in the first place when he called.
The unit was picked up on Monday, as planned. However, when I came home from work, I found the area where the unit had been placed completely torn up with tire tracks and deep ruts where the driver had apparently gotten the truck stuck. In the past, drivers have parked the truck in the gravel driveway and then wheeled the unit on a dolly the 50 feet or so to where we place it for the event. I would think anyone driving a truck that size would know better than to attempt to turn it around on a visibly wet piece of soft ground, especially after three days of non-stop rain. Normally, I would not complain, but after literally flushing $120 down the toilet on a rental that was delivered on the wrong day before I had a chance to cancel the order, and then coming home to this muddy mess just put me over the top. Our place may not have a nice manicured lawn, but the fact remains that I still have to go out there with a shovel and fill in the ruts where the driver spun his wheels to get unstuck.
I don’t suppose anything will be done about this, but I felt the need to let someone at the company know. I’ve attached a photo of the ruts left in the grass.
I did get a response from whoever monitors their "info" email saying she'd forwarded it to the bosses. We'll see if anything comes of it.
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Posted in Murphy's Law at 9:40 am by Deb
This law states that after you spend an entire day archiving, organizing, and house-cleaning the main server so that your computer illiterate colleague won't have the excuse of "I can't find anything in there" for always making YOU get them stuff from it, they will then send you snotty emails insisting that you must have removed the very thing they needed after you left for the day because THEY couldn't find it.
The law also states that the aforementioned colleague will get huffy when you show them that the item they needed is indeed there, and even easier to find than before. They will also continue to try and hide the fact that the very reason they can't find anything on the server is because they don't understand that the MY DOCUMENTS folder on their hard drive is NOT THE SERVER, and they have no idea how to get to it no matter how many times you show them.
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10.20.09
Posted in General at 11:01 am by Deb
While I am whittling the budget, I am also very carefully evaluating what shows I do for the remainder of this and next year. FaerieCon may be loads of fun, but it's gotten outrageously expensive and I didn't sell a thing last year. If that's the case again this year, I'll be attending as a punter next year instead.
I didn't sell anything of my own at the DAM show last year, but the table is only $25 and it's good exposure. I did manage to sell Stewart's exhibition display for him, so maybe this year I'll sell mine. Who knows. This year I plan to have some more Santas and Angels, and maybe some cheaper ornament type things and jewelry too.
I've decided not to do the FSMC club show this year–$120 is cheap for a table, but the big spenders don't go to the small local shows and I've come up a big fat zero on it for the past two years in a row. Well, except for that one that Marnie bought the first year, but she's a friend so that doesn't count. Gonna let that one go.
So the next show coming up is the Chicago International in mid-April. I actually sold two dolls there last year, and had two students in my workshop. I'm not doing the workshop thing this year–it was WAY too much work. I'd rather have more dolls for sale, a nice full table of quality work. And now that I've seen the show program, I will most definitely cough up the cash to put an ad in it. I just paid for my group ad for Miniature Collector for that show, which was required.
After that, is IGMA in September. Last year, no sales. But attendance was not good, and my lighting sucked. Nobody wants to come to NYC in February–the weather SUCKS. And I have nice bright halogens now. Hopefully September will be better.
I'm going to try again to make my way into Phila. Miniaturia again for next year. Kim says they have "enough doll people" and she doesn't want any more, but I'm going to apply again anyway. Maybe Mary Van can plead my case for me.
The big three–Chicago, IGMA, & Miniaturia. If I can do those, that's good enough. The rest of the time, I need to promote sales on my website, which haven't been bad in the past.
Got to be realistic, and careful with what little cash I have for these things.
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Posted in General at 10:49 am by Deb
Livning within one's means can be mean sometimes. Especially when your income gets slashed to less than a third of what you were previously living on. It's easy to slide down the slippery slope of credit cards, and dipping into the savings, both of which I have been guilty.
Then Old Blue started acting up, and we ended up taking on a new car payment. That was enough to send the wannabe budget over the edge. I went into panic mode a while ago when I realized that I'd dipped into the savings every month for the past 6 or so to pay the mortgage. GAH.
So I started whittling.
Cancelled the WW online: $16.95/mo.
Cancelled the YMCA membership. $35.00/mo
Cancelled the internet service: $47/mo
Cancelled the yahoo.com account $4.95/mo
Total saved: $103.90/mo.
Not massive, but every little bit helps.
Yesterday I opted out of a credit card rate hike, which closed the account. They were even nice enough to enroll me in an incentive plan where they match 20% of anything I pay above the minimum amount for the next 4 months. Which unfortunately, won't be much, but hey, it's a nice gesture from a not-so-nice bank.
I decided to keep the 9.95/mo Dave Ramsey budget program, because it's minimal, and will help keep me on track financially which is what this is all about.
I was thinking I should give up my Blackberry, but it was the reason I was able to cancel the internet account. I discovered that I can use it as a modem, just like an air card to access the net at home, and it falls under my $30 unlimited access which I was paying for anyway. Bye Comcast. I would have ditched the TV cable too, but Jim would have had a fit.
Tightened the belt another notch or two.
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10.19.09
Posted in Work in Progress, Pyle's Winged Black Horse at 2:05 pm by Deb
I had to make a print of the original illustration from the book to keep my reference clean. The one on the book's cover has been bastardized by someone at Dover Book company to make a "pretty" book, and I don't want their idea of color being an influence. So here is Howard Pyle's original black and white painting:
Fast Flew the Black Winged Horse, from The Garden Behind the Moon (written and illustrated by Howard Pyle)
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Posted in Work in Progress, Pyle's Winged Black Horse at 1:40 pm by Deb
Maybe it's a good thing the party got rained out. I kicked some serious ASS on my Pyle diorama.
Here's where I was with it at the start of the weekend.
I'd already spent way too much time puttering around building a real display box this time. The last few I did were just foamcore and fell apart. This is something I might actually put a price tag on and sell, so it needs a real display case. Aside from that, I built the styroafoam landscaping and filled in with lightweight spackle paste. As usual the nasty spackle crap took over a week to dry. I rough sanded and primed the foam shape dark grey.
So instead of scrambling around getting a party ready, I did this on Saturday:
Brushed on some white glue and dusted spots with sifted peat moss and landscaping foam, started placing some rocks and a couple of dead bonsai trees (unfortunately I have a lot of those). You can still see some bare primer areas because I ran out of rocks and didn't feel like going out in the pouring rain to get more. The white stuff is Elmer's glue that hasn't dried yet.
Sunday I continued:
People who see the pictures keep asking me what the rocks are "made of," or where I "bought" them. I actually did buy them. From the Quarry. 22 TONS of them. Yes folks, it's FREAKIN' DRIVEWAY GRAVEL, also known as "crusher-run." I've still got about 10 tons of it sitting in front of the barn waiting to be spread in the stalls and on the driveway. I think I'm going to bag some of it up and sell it at miniature shows as "landscaping stone" since some people can't get their heads around the idea that if they didn't purchase it from a crafts/hobby/miniature supplier, they couldn't possibly use it in their diorama.
I decided to take out the one tree since the horse will be in front of it and it won't be seen anyway. It will spend eternity in some other future scene. The rest of the landscaping stuff was either left over from the Delaware Art Museum architectural model, or stuff I "inherited" from Dad's workbench stuff. The green foam and dyed lichen peeking out from the rocks are from Woodland Scenics (model railroading supplier) and the little bushes are dried floral accents from Michael's crafts store, sprayed green.
And to keep myself from twiddling with things and messing them up while waiting for the glue to dry, I painted the front cover of the display case. I still have to tack down the cord from the light and run it out the back, so for now it just hangs through the frame.
Here's a closeup of the pool:
My latest adventure in casting resin. I've had more disasters with the stuff than I care to admit over the years. Either the stuff was so toxic the fumes alone could kill you (or at least make your studio stink for months) or it only cured to a gel-like stage which attracted all sorts of dust and eventually got cloudy. Then it would shrink as it cured and pulled away from the sides or cracked up the center…bad nasty schitt. I'd bought some EasyCast last year for a different project, and never used it. Since what was left of the stinky Castin' Craft resin had hardened in the can, and I was horribly disillusioned by the "Liquid Illusion" gel crap, I decided to give it a try. No odor, no cracking, no shrinking, and this morning it was hard as glass. WOO HOO!!! EasyCast ROCKS.
Here's a magic trick for ya: The little waterfall is made with a few twisted up strips of plastic wrap, crinkled slightly and glued to the rocks. Then I poured the resin over them just as it was thickening.
Here's where I was at the end of the day on Sunday:
Pulled the backdrop out after I realized I forgot to add the sun/moon. According to the story, it's supposed to be sunrise, but it's mighty high in the sky for that. I might just decide to make it the moon. Either way it gets lit from behind with another 8-inch flourescent bulb. The one in the front is a little bright, might have to tape off some of it. I always paint my backdrops on heavy duty wallpaper liner that I prep with three coats of gesso. It's nice and solid, opaque and flexible enough that it doesn't wrinkle.
I haven't glued down the landscaping yet–the whole thing still slides out. I still have to paint the Iron Man coming over the hill, and I forgot I need to paint the inside top of the box. I might add a bit more "drama" to the sky–haven't decided yet. I have this great photo of the sunrise over the trailer (the studio!) for reference:
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10.15.09
Posted in Rants & Laments at 2:32 pm by Deb
It ain't gonna happen. There's some massive storm coming–hell it's already here—and it's supposed to rain like hell and be 40 degrees all weekend. Unfortunately, the jerks at the porta-john company delivered the unit this morning instead of tomorrow like they were supposed to, so I've already paid the $120 for the damn thing and it isn't even going to get used. I just called them, and they say they can't give me a refund, but we're welcome to keep it til next weekend at no extra charge if we want to reschedule. Which we can't.
Jim was right, we should have just let last year's be the last one. But this would have been the 10th, and that's supposed to be special, or something, right? I guess not. It would have just been another year where less people show up than the year before, and a lot of work for nothing.
I'm not going to waste time running around in tomorrow's forecasted downpour setting up shit for a party that no one will come to anyway because of the weather. And I personally don't feel like sitting around in the tractor shed freezing my ass off watching it rain with the couple of die-hards that will come anyway.
I'm going to officially cancel it tomorrow.
So much for 10 years.
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09.02.09
Posted in Weight Loss at 12:29 pm by Deb
245.6
Diet "experts" always tell you to "picture yourself thin."
Well that's something I've never had a problem doing. My problem is I forget just how fat I've gotten. I don't think I'm as bad off as I am. So in spite of my best efforts to hide from the camera these days, someone always manages a sneak attack. And I get a nasty shock that jerks me back into weight loss mode.
This is the latest one.
This is me playing harp for Nancy while she got her piercing at Four Quarters Farm's Body Tribal weekend. Words cannot describe the absolute horror I felt when I saw this. Yet another rude, shocking reminder that I LOOK LIKE SHIT. Holy crap, even my face is starting to look like Gramma Laraway. All I need is a faded floral housecoat, frizzy hair and a few less teeth, and I'M HER.
Good GODS, and I wondered why that guy Jamie didn't want to flirt with me at Body Tribal? What man would? Cripes, even Jim doesn't want to be seen with me anymore.
So I've printed this photo, and put it on my desk where it can inspire me to keep drinking those "delicious" GNC protein shakes instead of going to the wannabe chinese buffet for lunch. It also inspired me to fork over the $104 for the Triple Threat Workout class at the Y, which I attended for the first time last night. 2.5 hours of grueling workout. I'm sore in places I didn't know I had today. Another solemn reminder was watching my fat self in the wall mirrors doing aerobics and weights next to all those buff, skinny bitches. They look at me like "WTF are YOU doing here?." They sneer at me while I struggle to lift that miserable ball into the air with my feet. They hold the door for each other, but let it slam in my face as we're exiting the room. I'm not welcome in their little "club." I suppose they're buff and skinny because they go to that class. Fine, I'll show them.
I've got the Lewes beach Harp weekend on the 11th. The above shot is from 2004. I wasn't exactly skinny then, but it's still horrible what I've done to myself in 5 short years. Every year, I say "next year I'll be thin." And every year, the pictures show an ever fatter me. Nobody's getting me into a bathing suit this year. Sadly, I'll still be hiding under my XL t-shirts. At least I ordered XLs instead of XXLs this year, as further inspiration. That and the XXLs cost $3 more. Just another reason on the long list of WHYs: It's expensive to be fat.
Back on the wagon again.
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08.18.09
Posted in Weight Loss at 12:15 pm by Deb
It was sitting on my desk when I came in to work this morning. A coupon for free fries and drink with one of those insanely good Third Pound burgers at McDonalds. I was very naughty and got one last Friday, and they gave me a coupon to get another one.
Ridden with guilt, I looked up the points for that tasty leap off the wagon. Just the sandwich is 18 points. Add 11 more for the fries, and in one sitting, I blew more than my entire 28 points for the day.
The beauty of WW is that you CAN eat something like that, once in a while, as long as you fit it into the program. The trouble is staying ON program after a little food bender like that. I swear McDonalds puts some sort of habit-forming drug in their food, because as soon as I eat their food, I want more, and more, and more. It becomes an obsession.
So I told myself it was FRIDAY, beginning of a new WW week with all-new floating points, and I could just work it in. Trouble is, Saturday and Sunday ended up being a continuation of that little transgression, with me trotting to the fridge every hour or so for a snack. Monday was just as bad, being home from work. I ate and drank crap non-stop all weekend.
So there it sat this morning. That evil coupon. I'm sitting here starving, because I'm back on the protein shakes and fruit thing trying desperately to right the wrongs of the extended weekend. And gee, I go right past McDonalds on the way to the post office…the battle begins. I consider tearing it up. I re-consider how good that burger would be.
I almost went for it.
I get extra points for working out. The category of workout determines how many I get. I really think there should be a category for resisting serious temptation like that–holy crap, what a battle that was. I'm exhausted.
I ended up giving the coupon to a skinny friend who eats there a lot. She said the last time she got one, it was so huge she couldn't finish it! I guess that's why she's still skinny.
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08.06.09
Posted in Work in Progress at 10:23 am by Deb
I'm going camping this weekend. And I'm tired of always borrowing a sleeping bag from someone, so I decided to pop in to good old Wal-Mart and get one. As usual, Wal-mart got me with not just a sleeping bag, but myriad other camping items that were dirt cheap. On my merry way to the checkout, I spied some fabulously colorful men's Hawaiian shirts on sale for only $7.50. I grabbed three of them, along with some $4 tank tops to wear under them. Imagine my glee when I got to the checkout to find the shirts had been marked down to only $3!!!I've already gotten several complements on the one I'm wearing today.
This is what I love about Wal-Mart. Good stuff, dirt cheap. Ok, so they don't have my beloved Lee Riders in size 20 tall anymore. And their plus size women's clothing really sucks lately. But it's not their fault I've become a fat slob. At least I know they'll likely still have my Lees in a size 12, when I get back down to the size where I belong. And in the meantime, their goofy men's stuff suits me fine.
So why are there so many people who hate Wal-Mart with a passion? Because they cut health benefits for their workers? Well shit, every place I know of has done that. And I don't think any of the other stuff they've been accused of is a big deal either. I think Wal-Mart has gotten a bad rap. Yes, they are a HUGE store, and they are in business to make a profit. Isn't that the American Way? Don't like them? Shop somewhere else. We're free to do that in this country, you know.
This morning I get an email from some OUTRAGED former Girl Scout Leader urging me to protest Wal-Mart's "Knock-off Girl Scout Cookies." WTF? I work for the Girl Scouts and I hadn't even heard about it. After some research, I found that yes, Wal-Mart is beta testing a chocolate mint cookie, and a chocolate covered peanut butter cookie. Some anti-Wal-Mart loonie saw them and started screaming–"Wal-Mart is ripping off the Girl Scouts! They're knock-offs of Thin Mints and Tagalongs!" Hmm, now does this mean that anyone who makes a mint-flavored chocolate cookie or peanut butter cookie is ripping us off? No, just evil Wal-mart, those Basty Nastards.
Wal-Mart also sells pop-corn. Does that mean they're ripping off the Boy Scouts too?
A few years ago, there were plans to build a Wal-Mart near my home town. People got all freaked out about it. They protested. They came up with a bunch of crazy reasons, none of which really made any sense. And they managed to block the new Wal-Mart. My mom was pissed. She would have liked to shop there. These are the same kind of people who protested the Wind Power turbines. That I don't get–would they really rather have a Nuclear Plant in their back yard?
Come ON, people. Protesting something because it really is bad is one thing. But protesting just because you CAN, or because YOU just don't like it, or it makes you feel powerful is just plain stupid.
Perfect example: now that these loonies have made a big deal out of these Wal-Mart cookies, people who wouldn't otherwise have even noticed them will now flock to Wal-Mart to try them. I hope our Wal-Mart gets them. I'm going to run right over there and buy some for my next food bender. And maybe pick up a couple more $3 Hawaiian shirts while I'm at it.
Wal-Mart ROCKS.
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08.03.09
Posted in Weight Loss at 11:33 am by Deb
243.2! It's unofficial–I finally hit the first 10 pound mark. Unofficial, because I don't officially weigh in til Friday, but this morning's number hit the mark. Doing the happy dance, feeling good, because I've spent the past several years losing five pounds, then gaining it right back, then losing 5 pounds, and gaining back seven, and so on. I feel like I've got some momentum this time.
It's a quiet celebration, because although it's it's a small milestone, I don't look any different, and nobody's going to notice anything yet. That, and a glimpse of my reflection in the glass of a framed print in Liz's office this morning, looking like an elephant next to her and Audrey, provided the ever shocking reality-check to remind me I still have a long way to go.
Still, I'm going to reward myself with some frivolous little prize and have a private celebration on Friday, assuming the number doesn't go up between now and then.
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08.02.09
Posted in Weight Loss at 9:30 am by Deb
244.2 this morning. I have almost hit the first 10 pound mark. It amazes me how much harder it is to lose now than it was 15 years ago. Sucks getting old, but I'm sure that beats dying young.
At any rate, I managed to keep the momentum going in spite of the past two weeks of HELL at work. At long last, the Kick-off and the State Fair booth are OVER and the council calendars have been delivered, so I'm hoping I can kick back and breathe a little now.
In the past, I'd have used this kind of insane work stress as an excuse to overeat, but this time I found myself realizing that when everything else is out of control, at least I have total control of what I eat. And even though there were some small food benders this week, I counteracted them in other ways. Yes, I loaded up a plate at the kickoff yesterday and chowed down, but there really wasn't anything bad on it except a cookie and a brownie. And when I got handed a piece of cake that was supposed to be some sort of local delicacy, I said to myself "if I take one bite, and it's absolutely fabulous, I'll eat it, but if it's just cake, it goes in the can." It was "just cake." It went in the can. When I got home, Jim had already eaten, so I passed on supper since I wasn't hungry anyway. We chowed on some popcorn later, but that was it. Not such a bad day after all.
I'm sure I'm going to face more crap at work–the de-briefings for the kickoff and the Fair and the calendars and all the other crap that blew up in my face this past month are going to be ugly, but my CYA files are in order, and I'm ready for anything.
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07.24.09
Posted in Rants & Laments at 12:36 pm by Deb
Never think things can't get worse. Never think you've hit rock bottom. Those rocks will just start to slide apart, and you'll find there's a whole new level of hell you just haven't seen yet.
I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm working for less money than I made 15 years ago, but I'm trying to see the bright side. At least I have a job, time off, benefits, etc.
Had to rob the savings account last month to pay the mortgage because we had some unexpected expenses. Bright side, there's still some money left in the savings.
We just picked up another car payment, and now I've gotta figure that into the already insanely tight budget. And I still miss the old Blue Marauder. Bright side, I've got a nice new car, and at least we're not dumping money into a money pit on wheels anymore.
Came home yesterday, and there was a bill for just under $700 for the biopsy I had last month. Damned health insurance didn't cover the whole thing. Bright side, it came back negative, no cancer. And at least I HAVE health insurance.
Found out this morning that Rusty has to go back to Dr. Hess to get BOTH his ears completely roto-rooted. Guesstimate, probably right around 3 grand, maybe $2500 if I'm lucky.Hopefully, they'll approve me to finance it, since that would completely clean out the savings and there ain't no room on the credit card. The thought of putting him through that again, only this time much worse and much more expensive…and he'll be completely deaf when it's done, assuming he survives the surgery. WHY WHY WHY????? He's a good cat, he's not old, and I can't sit by and just do nothing, or just have him euthanized.
Sorry, I'm having a real hard time trying to find the bright side of that.
FUCK.
Right now I'm on the edge of a screaming, stomping, throwing things TANTRUM because suddenly NONE of it seems bright anymore. I'll be sure not to scream "what next???" because then I'll surely find out.
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Posted in Weight Loss at 9:12 am by Deb
I made myself cook breakfast instead of the BK Cheesy Bacon Wrap with Hash Browns I was craving. Only took 5 minutes. Lenders onion bagel, light margarine, and three scrambled eggs with a slice of cheese on top. Ok, so I really didn't need THREE eggs, especially with the Doc after me about the cholesterol thing. But there was only one left in the carton, and it looked really lonely there all by itself, so I scrambled it in too.
All told, it added up to 13 points, kinda high for just breakfast, but way better than the 29 points the BK thing would have cost me. Not to mention that I would have eaten that in the car. Eating in the car is always a snarf. Too worried about driving, and the next think you know, I don't even remember having breakfast. I actually sat down and ATE my breakfast today instead of snarfing it.
NEW RULE: No eating in the car.
Besides, I don't want to spill crap all over the nice new upholstery.
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Posted in Weight Loss at 8:44 am by Deb
The number finally moved. 246.2 today. In spite of my binge yesterday–I suspect it takes some time for that kind of stuff to catch up with you.
I looked back over my past four weeks of WW charts online, and I've come to see a pattern. I seem to fall off the wagon (well yesterday I took a flying leap off…) on Thursdays. I struggle to get back on track on Friday, and then the Weekend completely falls apart. I also recall that when I last did WW sucessfully, weigh-day was on Friday.
So I changed it to Friday, and recorded today's number. I feel much better, because now the little chart says I've lost 7.6 pounds in the past 4 weeks. Monday, the number would probably have been back up, and I'd be ready to give up.
Seems back when I did WW at work at the Mint, Friday weigh was great because I then cheated all weekend, and had the rest of the week to make up for it. But that was back in the early 90s, and I was single, not to mention younger. I've got to get a handle on the cheating thing, and learn to cheat smarter.
So now that I've weighed, and have the whole week ahead of me, I want to run right to Burger King and get one of their Cheesy Bacon Wraps with hash browns value meals and a coke. Yeah, I can do this, and just count it in, right? Got the whole week to work it off! I decided to look it up before I went and did it. Holy crap–that tasty little breakfast adds up to 28 points. I get 29 for the day.
I think I'll scramble a couple of eggs here at home and toast a small bagel instead.
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07.23.09
Posted in Weight Loss at 2:14 pm by Deb
The Little Bastards got me today. Jim's back on OT, so I crawled back in bed after he left. Then, I shut off the alarm and slept for another hour instead of going to the gym.
Giggling with Glee, the Little Bastards talked me into a bologny and cheese sandwich for breakfast. At least I counted it, and used mustard instead of mayo. I ate it in the car.
They were absolutely thrilled when I caved and ate a philly pretzel from today's food orgy in the break room. But they're only three points, and I counted it.
The coup was at lunch. After I went to the bank, they grabbed the wheel and deposited my fat ass at the local all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet. I loaded that take-out box with 2 pounds of greasy, wannabe chinese food, came back to work and had my own personal food orgy in my office. And DAMN, it was GOOD. Every nasty bite. I even licked the container.
So now what? Ok, I've obviously blown it for the day. I slid down the slippery slope. But I'm not going to continue and slide over the edge and keep going like I usually do. I'm not even going to attempt to figure out the points on that tasty Chinese slop. I doubt WW has a points listing for cat or dog meat anyway–that stuff could NOT have actually been chicken. I'm going to just consider my points gone for the day, and maybe have greens and a banana for supper.
I think it's safe now–the Little Bastards are happily rolling around in duck sauce and are quiet for the moment. I'm going to be ready for them tonight when they wake up from their nap…
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