05.25.10
Posted in Work in Progress at 3:56 pm by Deb
Two commissions that I just finished:
This one is a portrait of the buyer's sister. She was a schoolteacher in Scotland, and is retiring this year. Her sister has built a miniature of her classroom as a gift for her, and had me make the portrait doll of her sister to put in it. The freaky thing is that the doll looks a lot like my mom.
This fellow just shipped out yesterday to a lady in California. She's the same one who ordered a bathtub cowboy from me earlier in the year. She asked for a 1920s "matinee idol guy, sort of like Clark Gable." I think he works. I cut up one of Jim's black dress shirts I filched out of the closet to make his tux. He'll never miss it.
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Posted in Work in Progress at 3:01 pm by Deb
This doll thing is starting to feel like theater–as soon as the closing night curtain comes down, I'm running around looking for the next show. I hadn't planned on it, but now I'm doing Molly Cromwell's Sturbridge Massachusetts show on June 5th & 6th. She had a cancellation, and I'd been hearing good things about this show. The table was cheap too, only $195. So with hardly a chance to breathe after Chicago, here I am down to the wire trying to re-fill my table for the Sturbridge show. The past few weeks have been spent finishing several commission jobs, but I managed to sneak one new one in there. This is Grace, my first sucessful try at an African-american figure. I still haven't managed to finish the African mermaid–I sculpted her from light colored clay, then tried to paint her. After stripping the paint for the third time, I just set her aside out of frustration.
Grace was sculpted using that weird "ethnic brown" Prosculpt. It's nasty. The color is very flat "tootsie roll" brown, leaving little room for variation in skin tone. It has a rather different texture than the light colored Prosculpt, and tends to stain my fingers, and everything else it gets on. But in spite of the stuff, I think Grace turned out ok. Next time I might mix the brown stuff with some lighter clay, just to knock it back a little and leave me room for some tonal variations. Always a learning experience, every one of them.
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04.27.10
Posted in News at 4:41 pm by Deb
Well here it is a full week after the Chicago show. The mad scramble paid off. I sold FIVE dolls at the show, and picked up a $200 deposit on a double commission. I actually MADE money on a show for the very first time. Three of the new dolls made in the scramble sold, and two of my "older" ones. Lady Anne, Renatta, Madame Mae, Pitti-sing and Fraulein Kost all went home with happy customers at the show. I still have to get the new girls up on the website, but here they are:
Lady Anne and Renatta
Madame Mae and Lady in Gold
Lady in Gold is still with me–she might get some tweaks before the next show. Pitti Sing and Fraulein Kost went too. Pitti Sing got sold to a woman who wanted to pose her kneeling, which made me cringe a little, but hey, I warned her about how fragile she is and not to mess with her hands. Kost sold to the same woman who bought Renatta the previous day. Lady Anne went on preview night to a woman who took Rik Pierce's "Fair Rosamond's Bower" class to put in the scene. The crowning glory was Mae, who went to a very discriminating collector who kept coming back over and over to look at her. She wanted ladies to put in a bordello scene she's building in an old Victrola case. I thought maybe my work wasn't up to her standards, so when she finally caved and bought her on the last day, I was elated.
Alas, it's always sad to let them go. I grieved a little as I wrapped each one and put them in their boxes, knowing I'd never see them again. It's like they're all part of me and it hurts a little. But it's great validation when someone is willing to cough up the cash for my work, and I'd rather have people enjoying them than have them collecting dust on a shelf in my studio.
At last, a show where I made money!
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04.12.10
Posted in Work in Progress at 9:12 am by Deb
Only 4 days left til the big show–the race is on. I've manage to finish three new dolls since my last post. Even with the ready made parts, it still takes me forever. But I definitely like the costuming part better. Two Tudor ladies, inspired by the TV show, an Erte-esque 20s lady from Dana's Renatta kit (used my own sculpt with her costume pattern), and I managed to half-dress a Mae West type doll this morning. Should have her done by tonight-she's not quite as involved as the others were, but she's gonna be really cool. Hopefully that will leave me tomorrow morning and evening to at least re-dress Tristan and fix his hands. At least that way I have some new stuff on my table.
I was hoping to have another bathtub cowboy ready and the two mermaids, but alas, there's only so many hours in the weekend. The biker guy is no-where near ready, although I got a lot done on him at the REAF show. He may continue to be my WIP for Chicago.
I signed up for Molly Cromwell's Sturbridge show in June. Table's only $195, and I hear good things about the show. It's only a 5-6 hour drive too, unlike the Chicago 13-hour haul. Then I'm off for the summer–no more shows til IGMA in September.
I've also decided to wait on my Fellow application. There's just no way I'll be ready for that right after this show. I hate to wait another year, but I'd rather do that than send less-than-perfect pieces. I could send the one Tudor lady–she's spectacular, but I have a feeling she'll sell in Chicago. And I need 5 pieces to send… not sure any of the rest of them would measure up.
I've got two commissions to finish by May1, then I'm going to set a goal of one doll per week and try to stick to it through the summer so I have a nice full table for IGMA.
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03.29.10
Posted in Work in Progress at 10:08 am by Deb
I've been spending a lot of time on Dana Burton's minidolllist site and such. I even bought her costuming and wigging cds. She works mainly with porcelain dolls from commercial molds, but her costuming is very inspired and beautifully done. I put together one of her kits last year just for the hell of it–I find I learn a lot from other artists. We all do things differently and she's got some great techniques.
I've come to realize that a lot of miniature doll buyers really don't care if the doll is OOAK or not–they like the costume, the subject matter, whether it will work in their dollhouse or miniature scene, and so on. I've come a long way with my sculpting skills, but I'm so damned slow at it, I can't ever seem to get anything done.
I'm especially slow at hands. I've gotten rather good at making realistic hands, but have not been able to create a decent press mold from any of them, so I hauled off and bought an arm/hand mold from House of Caron. It works relatively well as a PC press mold, even though it's meant to be used for porcelain slip. I've also made a few press-molds from feet and boots that I've sculpted myself so I can kind of "mass-produce" those parts. That way, if the doll is more costume than sculpt, I can produce it faster. I'll still make custom stuff for dolls that need to have more specific poses to their hands and feet, but I won't have to start from scratch every time.
I think that once Chicago is over, I need to spend some time making parts that I can just grab and use when trying to quickly put together a fully costumed doll. And I've also got Dana's patterns so I don't have to figure out every single costume from scratch either.
Sometimes it's nice to just put together some ready-made parts and cut right to the costuming. I actually enjoyed putting together Dana's kit doll. I've always liked the costuming part better than the sculpting, but I've always hated the vacuous expressions and mannequin-like poses of commercial porcelains.
Cheating? I think not. It's not like I'm mass-producing carbon copies–each one is still unique. Just put together a little quicker…
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Posted in Work in Progress at 9:56 am by Deb
Rochester Erotic Arts Festival–much fun, no sales. I may attend next year, but not as a vendor. It was relatively cheap compared to some–probably spent about $350 between the table fee, hotel room, food, gas and tolls–but that's still a chunk of change to just throw away on a "fun" event.
I've pretty much decided that I'm not doing anything next year but IGMA and Chicago, and the Flower Show. I already told Bev I'd do FaerieCon with her this November, but I'm seriously thinking I should bag out on that one. There's no way we're ever going to sell anything there, or at any of these non-miniature shows. Just because you keep going back year after year does not mean that show-goers are going to suddenly see the light and buy your dolls. No matter how much we educate them on how they're made, no matter what we call them, (sculptures, figurative art, OOAK), to Joe Public, they're always going to be just DOLLS. And even our most reasonable price is too much in his eyes when you can get a nice mass-produced resin figurine or Barbie for 30 bucks at another vendor's table. And that's assuming Joe P even wants one in the first place.
Unless the buyer is a COLLECTOR, they don't CARE whether it's OOAK or mass-produced, and therefore the OOAK is just too expensive for a dust-collector.
Chicago and IGMA are two shows where collectors come looking for stuff like ours. They expect to pay several hundred bucks for an OOAK doll. Some of them will pay that much for non-unique porcelains made from commercial molds. Miniaturists generally buy OOAKs because it's something they can't find elsewhere, and they want it for a scene they're working on, or plan to work on. And sometimes they just fall in love with one of my dolls and buy it in spite of not having a scene for it. But most of the time, even THEY don't care if it's OOAK or commercially molded porcelain.
These "throwaway" shows are fun, but they take up a lot of time and cash. And just because I now have a bit of cash to work with, doesn't mean I should be tossing it on these shows that end up being more fun "social" events than actual selling venues. The time factor is crucial as well. I now only have two weekends left to get my few new WIPs done for Chicago, where I actually have a chance at selling some stuff.
I stood back and looked at my table this weekend and realized that several of my dolls are going on three years old and have been to several shows. I really need to sit down and finish my current WIPs and come up with some new stuff.
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02.22.10
Posted in Work in Progress at 2:51 pm by Deb
Good Gods, so much has happened since my last post. I actually finished sculpting the Mermaids yesterday. They never made it to Faeriecon. Gotta post more pictures. Got the museum display done, show is over, it's back in the workshop.
Today begins my 8th week back at the Big Bad Bank. So far, things are much better than my last tour here–I won't go into detail here–I save that for the private rant blog so I don't get busted blogging about work. It's gotten me in trouble before.
All that said, I need to quit posting so much in the "rant" blog and get back to posting the good stuff here.
FaerieCon was yet another wash. Proof yet again that Joe Public does not "get" the idea of OOAK dolls as art. I did the Art Museum show on the 12th of December, and to my shock, I sold the bubble fairy. By then I knew I had the bank job back, so I turned around and blew my profits on a new purse from the vendor next to me. I love it, and dammit, I deserved it.
So, after hitting rock-bottom financially, I'm back to raking in the cash at the bank. I'm also working my ass off for it, but that's ok. Things had gotten so tight while working at the GS, I actually broke down and applied for a night job at WaWa. I never heard from them, and just as well for three weeks later, I heard from the Bank.
I had a shot at a telecommuting job in Baltimore, which had me kind of excited, but alas, they hired someone else. No biggie, since I'd already said yes to the bank. I wonder if I have the self-discipline to work from home anyway–it would be just too tempting to go work on dolls and leave the real work till the last minute. I suppose I could do it if I had to–it would just be hard to resist the temptation and all the distractions. People have said to me "wouldn't you miss being around other people?" Fuck no. I LIKE being alone. I'm hardly the misanthrope that Jim is, but there's hardly anyone here I'd miss if I left.
I all but quit the Brandywine Harps. I blew off the last two Mini Club meetings. I may just bag the club altogether. I've had to let some things go in order to keep from overextending myself. The BHO was starting to get to me–too many concerts, way too many rehearsals, and I can't keep up with the music anyway. Janet is taking it in an almost professional direction, and I just can't go there with it. I still do the website, and I might do a couple of the fall concerts, but for now, I'm out. It's kind of a bummer, but I got so I was dreading every rehearsal and concert. It's nice to come home after work and know I don't have to be somewhere.
I've cleaned up my attitude toward work too. It makes all the difference in the world. I used to drag myself in here, hating every minute of it, dreading every day of it, feeling like a loser. Now I rejoice in the fact that we're not broke anymore, and am making a point of not blowing the money we make foolishly like I did before.
I've had to modify a few dreams too, but it brings them closer to being real. The log house has gone by the wayside, replaced by a small modular cape cod that I pray we'll be able to order by the end of the year. By then, we'll have money saved, bills paid off or at least down by half, and hopefully I'll still have a job at the bank.
I've made my cube more comfortable than before. I miss that fabulous office at the GS, but it was going away soon anyway with their impending move. So I'm making the best of it, and being grateful for being here every day of the week.
So here I am blogging on my lunchbreak, happy to be able to just sit by myself if I want. I'm hoping I can get them to hire me full-time by the time my 18 months are up here. I've seen other contract employees, good workers even, get let go and replaced just so the bank doesn't get in trouble for keeping contractors too long. Word on the rumor mill is it's 18 months and it's hire-em-or-fire-em, according to legal.
It's mostly good at the moment, and I can't complain.
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10.22.09
Posted in Work in Progress, Pinup Mermaid at 11:23 am by Deb
The other of two dolls in the mad scramble to finish for FaerieCon! If I can get these two done in addition to finishing my Pyle Horse diorama, I'll be in good shape. I still have that cool green bottle I want to use for an Absinthe Fairy, but I have to get these ladies finished first.
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Posted in Work in Progress, African Mermaid at 11:15 am by Deb
One of two works in progress that I'm scrambling to get done for FaerieCon. Also my first attempt at an african figure. Haven't decided yet what color her tail and fin will be.
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Posted in General at 9:20 am by Deb
I have got to stop going back to bed in the morning after Jim leaves for work. An extra couple of hours of sleep is nice, but for the past couple of weeks, all it gets me is weird dreams.
Can't always remember them, but they involve me searching for things I can't find, realizing I forgot to wear any pants to work, trying to get someone to listen to me who can't even tell I'm there…stuff like that. But the last one really freaked me out. I was at Mom & Dad's house, as if I lived there now, and all the cats were outside baiting a huge rattlesnake. I couldn't get them to leave it alone. Then Ratt got bit on the paw and limped away, just as Jim came out to shoot the thing. He kept telling me he didn't see a snake anywhere, while I screamed "it's right by your feet, you idiot!" Then I woke up, all weirded out.
Sometimes I wonder if it's my conscience telling me I should get my lazy ass out of bed and be doing something productive like practicing harp or working in the studio.
I did get up this morning, and saw one of the most incredible sunrises we've had since we've been here.
No more sleeping in.
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10.21.09
Posted in Rants & Laments at 10:38 am by Deb
UPDATE: On Friday the 23rd I got a call from A-I saying they would refund my money. WOO HOO!!!!
This is the email I just sent to A-1 sanitation:
To whom it may concern,
I would like to say that in the past, we have always had good service from Boulden/A-1 sanitation when renting the portable toilet for our annual bonfire party. In the past, the unit was delivered on the Friday before the party, and picked up the following Monday with no problem.
However this year, I’m sorry to say, we had problems.
First, I asked that the unit be delivered on Friday the 16th of October, since I would be home from work that day to pay the driver. Instead, I got a call just as I pulled into work on Thursday the 15th from the driver informing me that he was on his way to my home with the unit and would be there in about 5 minutes. That morning, I had been considering cancelling the order when I got to work, because the weather forecast looked bad. I should have told him to take it back when he called. But instead, I had to leave work, drove home and wrote a check for a unit I was pretty sure we wouldn’t be using. Later that day, I called and inquired about having the unit picked back up and as to whether we might get a partial refund since it was delivered on the wrong day, and we hadn’t and wouldn’t be using it. I was told there would be no refund since it had already been delivered, but that we could keep it for the following weekend at no charge if we wanted to re-schedule our event, which was a nice gesture. Unfortunately, we couldn’t reschedule, so I asked that the unit be picked up at the company’s earliest convenience and simply wished I’d had the good sense to tell him not to deliver it in the first place when he called.
The unit was picked up on Monday, as planned. However, when I came home from work, I found the area where the unit had been placed completely torn up with tire tracks and deep ruts where the driver had apparently gotten the truck stuck. In the past, drivers have parked the truck in the gravel driveway and then wheeled the unit on a dolly the 50 feet or so to where we place it for the event. I would think anyone driving a truck that size would know better than to attempt to turn it around on a visibly wet piece of soft ground, especially after three days of non-stop rain. Normally, I would not complain, but after literally flushing $120 down the toilet on a rental that was delivered on the wrong day before I had a chance to cancel the order, and then coming home to this muddy mess just put me over the top. Our place may not have a nice manicured lawn, but the fact remains that I still have to go out there with a shovel and fill in the ruts where the driver spun his wheels to get unstuck.
I don’t suppose anything will be done about this, but I felt the need to let someone at the company know. I’ve attached a photo of the ruts left in the grass.
I did get a response from whoever monitors their "info" email saying she'd forwarded it to the bosses. We'll see if anything comes of it.
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Posted in Murphy's Law at 9:40 am by Deb
This law states that after you spend an entire day archiving, organizing, and house-cleaning the main server so that your computer illiterate colleague won't have the excuse of "I can't find anything in there" for always making YOU get them stuff from it, they will then send you snotty emails insisting that you must have removed the very thing they needed after you left for the day because THEY couldn't find it.
The law also states that the aforementioned colleague will get huffy when you show them that the item they needed is indeed there, and even easier to find than before. They will also continue to try and hide the fact that the very reason they can't find anything on the server is because they don't understand that the MY DOCUMENTS folder on their hard drive is NOT THE SERVER, and they have no idea how to get to it no matter how many times you show them.
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10.20.09
Posted in General at 11:01 am by Deb
While I am whittling the budget, I am also very carefully evaluating what shows I do for the remainder of this and next year. FaerieCon may be loads of fun, but it's gotten outrageously expensive and I didn't sell a thing last year. If that's the case again this year, I'll be attending as a punter next year instead.
I didn't sell anything of my own at the DAM show last year, but the table is only $25 and it's good exposure. I did manage to sell Stewart's exhibition display for him, so maybe this year I'll sell mine. Who knows. This year I plan to have some more Santas and Angels, and maybe some cheaper ornament type things and jewelry too.
I've decided not to do the FSMC club show this year–$120 is cheap for a table, but the big spenders don't go to the small local shows and I've come up a big fat zero on it for the past two years in a row. Well, except for that one that Marnie bought the first year, but she's a friend so that doesn't count. Gonna let that one go.
So the next show coming up is the Chicago International in mid-April. I actually sold two dolls there last year, and had two students in my workshop. I'm not doing the workshop thing this year–it was WAY too much work. I'd rather have more dolls for sale, a nice full table of quality work. And now that I've seen the show program, I will most definitely cough up the cash to put an ad in it. I just paid for my group ad for Miniature Collector for that show, which was required.
After that, is IGMA in September. Last year, no sales. But attendance was not good, and my lighting sucked. Nobody wants to come to NYC in February–the weather SUCKS. And I have nice bright halogens now. Hopefully September will be better.
I'm going to try again to make my way into Phila. Miniaturia again for next year. Kim says they have "enough doll people" and she doesn't want any more, but I'm going to apply again anyway. Maybe Mary Van can plead my case for me.
The big three–Chicago, IGMA, & Miniaturia. If I can do those, that's good enough. The rest of the time, I need to promote sales on my website, which haven't been bad in the past.
Got to be realistic, and careful with what little cash I have for these things.
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Posted in General at 10:49 am by Deb
Livning within one's means can be mean sometimes. Especially when your income gets slashed to less than a third of what you were previously living on. It's easy to slide down the slippery slope of credit cards, and dipping into the savings, both of which I have been guilty.
Then Old Blue started acting up, and we ended up taking on a new car payment. That was enough to send the wannabe budget over the edge. I went into panic mode a while ago when I realized that I'd dipped into the savings every month for the past 6 or so to pay the mortgage. GAH.
So I started whittling.
Cancelled the WW online: $16.95/mo.
Cancelled the YMCA membership. $35.00/mo
Cancelled the internet service: $47/mo
Cancelled the yahoo.com account $4.95/mo
Total saved: $103.90/mo.
Not massive, but every little bit helps.
Yesterday I opted out of a credit card rate hike, which closed the account. They were even nice enough to enroll me in an incentive plan where they match 20% of anything I pay above the minimum amount for the next 4 months. Which unfortunately, won't be much, but hey, it's a nice gesture from a not-so-nice bank.
I decided to keep the 9.95/mo Dave Ramsey budget program, because it's minimal, and will help keep me on track financially which is what this is all about.
I was thinking I should give up my Blackberry, but it was the reason I was able to cancel the internet account. I discovered that I can use it as a modem, just like an air card to access the net at home, and it falls under my $30 unlimited access which I was paying for anyway. Bye Comcast. I would have ditched the TV cable too, but Jim would have had a fit.
Tightened the belt another notch or two.
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10.19.09
Posted in Work in Progress, Pyle's Winged Black Horse at 2:05 pm by Deb
I had to make a print of the original illustration from the book to keep my reference clean. The one on the book's cover has been bastardized by someone at Dover Book company to make a "pretty" book, and I don't want their idea of color being an influence. So here is Howard Pyle's original black and white painting:
Fast Flew the Black Winged Horse, from The Garden Behind the Moon (written and illustrated by Howard Pyle)
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Posted in Work in Progress, Pyle's Winged Black Horse at 1:40 pm by Deb
Maybe it's a good thing the party got rained out. I kicked some serious ASS on my Pyle diorama.
Here's where I was with it at the start of the weekend.
I'd already spent way too much time puttering around building a real display box this time. The last few I did were just foamcore and fell apart. This is something I might actually put a price tag on and sell, so it needs a real display case. Aside from that, I built the styroafoam landscaping and filled in with lightweight spackle paste. As usual the nasty spackle crap took over a week to dry. I rough sanded and primed the foam shape dark grey.
So instead of scrambling around getting a party ready, I did this on Saturday:
Brushed on some white glue and dusted spots with sifted peat moss and landscaping foam, started placing some rocks and a couple of dead bonsai trees (unfortunately I have a lot of those). You can still see some bare primer areas because I ran out of rocks and didn't feel like going out in the pouring rain to get more. The white stuff is Elmer's glue that hasn't dried yet.
Sunday I continued:
People who see the pictures keep asking me what the rocks are "made of," or where I "bought" them. I actually did buy them. From the Quarry. 22 TONS of them. Yes folks, it's FREAKIN' DRIVEWAY GRAVEL, also known as "crusher-run." I've still got about 10 tons of it sitting in front of the barn waiting to be spread in the stalls and on the driveway. I think I'm going to bag some of it up and sell it at miniature shows as "landscaping stone" since some people can't get their heads around the idea that if they didn't purchase it from a crafts/hobby/miniature supplier, they couldn't possibly use it in their diorama.
I decided to take out the one tree since the horse will be in front of it and it won't be seen anyway. It will spend eternity in some other future scene. The rest of the landscaping stuff was either left over from the Delaware Art Museum architectural model, or stuff I "inherited" from Dad's workbench stuff. The green foam and dyed lichen peeking out from the rocks are from Woodland Scenics (model railroading supplier) and the little bushes are dried floral accents from Michael's crafts store, sprayed green.
And to keep myself from twiddling with things and messing them up while waiting for the glue to dry, I painted the front cover of the display case. I still have to tack down the cord from the light and run it out the back, so for now it just hangs through the frame.
Here's a closeup of the pool:
My latest adventure in casting resin. I've had more disasters with the stuff than I care to admit over the years. Either the stuff was so toxic the fumes alone could kill you (or at least make your studio stink for months) or it only cured to a gel-like stage which attracted all sorts of dust and eventually got cloudy. Then it would shrink as it cured and pulled away from the sides or cracked up the center…bad nasty schitt. I'd bought some EasyCast last year for a different project, and never used it. Since what was left of the stinky Castin' Craft resin had hardened in the can, and I was horribly disillusioned by the "Liquid Illusion" gel crap, I decided to give it a try. No odor, no cracking, no shrinking, and this morning it was hard as glass. WOO HOO!!! EasyCast ROCKS.
Here's a magic trick for ya: The little waterfall is made with a few twisted up strips of plastic wrap, crinkled slightly and glued to the rocks. Then I poured the resin over them just as it was thickening.
Here's where I was at the end of the day on Sunday:
Pulled the backdrop out after I realized I forgot to add the sun/moon. According to the story, it's supposed to be sunrise, but it's mighty high in the sky for that. I might just decide to make it the moon. Either way it gets lit from behind with another 8-inch flourescent bulb. The one in the front is a little bright, might have to tape off some of it. I always paint my backdrops on heavy duty wallpaper liner that I prep with three coats of gesso. It's nice and solid, opaque and flexible enough that it doesn't wrinkle.
I haven't glued down the landscaping yet–the whole thing still slides out. I still have to paint the Iron Man coming over the hill, and I forgot I need to paint the inside top of the box. I might add a bit more "drama" to the sky–haven't decided yet. I have this great photo of the sunrise over the trailer (the studio!) for reference:
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10.15.09
Posted in Rants & Laments at 2:32 pm by Deb
It ain't gonna happen. There's some massive storm coming–hell it's already here—and it's supposed to rain like hell and be 40 degrees all weekend. Unfortunately, the jerks at the porta-john company delivered the unit this morning instead of tomorrow like they were supposed to, so I've already paid the $120 for the damn thing and it isn't even going to get used. I just called them, and they say they can't give me a refund, but we're welcome to keep it til next weekend at no extra charge if we want to reschedule. Which we can't.
Jim was right, we should have just let last year's be the last one. But this would have been the 10th, and that's supposed to be special, or something, right? I guess not. It would have just been another year where less people show up than the year before, and a lot of work for nothing.
I'm not going to waste time running around in tomorrow's forecasted downpour setting up shit for a party that no one will come to anyway because of the weather. And I personally don't feel like sitting around in the tractor shed freezing my ass off watching it rain with the couple of die-hards that will come anyway.
I'm going to officially cancel it tomorrow.
So much for 10 years.
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09.02.09
Posted in Weight Loss at 12:29 pm by Deb
245.6
Diet "experts" always tell you to "picture yourself thin."
Well that's something I've never had a problem doing. My problem is I forget just how fat I've gotten. I don't think I'm as bad off as I am. So in spite of my best efforts to hide from the camera these days, someone always manages a sneak attack. And I get a nasty shock that jerks me back into weight loss mode.
This is the latest one.
This is me playing harp for Nancy while she got her piercing at Four Quarters Farm's Body Tribal weekend. Words cannot describe the absolute horror I felt when I saw this. Yet another rude, shocking reminder that I LOOK LIKE SHIT. Holy crap, even my face is starting to look like Gramma Laraway. All I need is a faded floral housecoat, frizzy hair and a few less teeth, and I'M HER.
Good GODS, and I wondered why that guy Jamie didn't want to flirt with me at Body Tribal? What man would? Cripes, even Jim doesn't want to be seen with me anymore.
So I've printed this photo, and put it on my desk where it can inspire me to keep drinking those "delicious" GNC protein shakes instead of going to the wannabe chinese buffet for lunch. It also inspired me to fork over the $104 for the Triple Threat Workout class at the Y, which I attended for the first time last night. 2.5 hours of grueling workout. I'm sore in places I didn't know I had today. Another solemn reminder was watching my fat self in the wall mirrors doing aerobics and weights next to all those buff, skinny bitches. They look at me like "WTF are YOU doing here?." They sneer at me while I struggle to lift that miserable ball into the air with my feet. They hold the door for each other, but let it slam in my face as we're exiting the room. I'm not welcome in their little "club." I suppose they're buff and skinny because they go to that class. Fine, I'll show them.
I've got the Lewes beach Harp weekend on the 11th. The above shot is from 2004. I wasn't exactly skinny then, but it's still horrible what I've done to myself in 5 short years. Every year, I say "next year I'll be thin." And every year, the pictures show an ever fatter me. Nobody's getting me into a bathing suit this year. Sadly, I'll still be hiding under my XL t-shirts. At least I ordered XLs instead of XXLs this year, as further inspiration. That and the XXLs cost $3 more. Just another reason on the long list of WHYs: It's expensive to be fat.
Back on the wagon again.
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08.18.09
Posted in Weight Loss at 12:15 pm by Deb
It was sitting on my desk when I came in to work this morning. A coupon for free fries and drink with one of those insanely good Third Pound burgers at McDonalds. I was very naughty and got one last Friday, and they gave me a coupon to get another one.
Ridden with guilt, I looked up the points for that tasty leap off the wagon. Just the sandwich is 18 points. Add 11 more for the fries, and in one sitting, I blew more than my entire 28 points for the day.
The beauty of WW is that you CAN eat something like that, once in a while, as long as you fit it into the program. The trouble is staying ON program after a little food bender like that. I swear McDonalds puts some sort of habit-forming drug in their food, because as soon as I eat their food, I want more, and more, and more. It becomes an obsession.
So I told myself it was FRIDAY, beginning of a new WW week with all-new floating points, and I could just work it in. Trouble is, Saturday and Sunday ended up being a continuation of that little transgression, with me trotting to the fridge every hour or so for a snack. Monday was just as bad, being home from work. I ate and drank crap non-stop all weekend.
So there it sat this morning. That evil coupon. I'm sitting here starving, because I'm back on the protein shakes and fruit thing trying desperately to right the wrongs of the extended weekend. And gee, I go right past McDonalds on the way to the post office…the battle begins. I consider tearing it up. I re-consider how good that burger would be.
I almost went for it.
I get extra points for working out. The category of workout determines how many I get. I really think there should be a category for resisting serious temptation like that–holy crap, what a battle that was. I'm exhausted.
I ended up giving the coupon to a skinny friend who eats there a lot. She said the last time she got one, it was so huge she couldn't finish it! I guess that's why she's still skinny.
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08.06.09
Posted in Work in Progress at 10:23 am by Deb
I'm going camping this weekend. And I'm tired of always borrowing a sleeping bag from someone, so I decided to pop in to good old Wal-Mart and get one. As usual, Wal-mart got me with not just a sleeping bag, but myriad other camping items that were dirt cheap. On my merry way to the checkout, I spied some fabulously colorful men's Hawaiian shirts on sale for only $7.50. I grabbed three of them, along with some $4 tank tops to wear under them. Imagine my glee when I got to the checkout to find the shirts had been marked down to only $3!!!I've already gotten several complements on the one I'm wearing today.
This is what I love about Wal-Mart. Good stuff, dirt cheap. Ok, so they don't have my beloved Lee Riders in size 20 tall anymore. And their plus size women's clothing really sucks lately. But it's not their fault I've become a fat slob. At least I know they'll likely still have my Lees in a size 12, when I get back down to the size where I belong. And in the meantime, their goofy men's stuff suits me fine.
So why are there so many people who hate Wal-Mart with a passion? Because they cut health benefits for their workers? Well shit, every place I know of has done that. And I don't think any of the other stuff they've been accused of is a big deal either. I think Wal-Mart has gotten a bad rap. Yes, they are a HUGE store, and they are in business to make a profit. Isn't that the American Way? Don't like them? Shop somewhere else. We're free to do that in this country, you know.
This morning I get an email from some OUTRAGED former Girl Scout Leader urging me to protest Wal-Mart's "Knock-off Girl Scout Cookies." WTF? I work for the Girl Scouts and I hadn't even heard about it. After some research, I found that yes, Wal-Mart is beta testing a chocolate mint cookie, and a chocolate covered peanut butter cookie. Some anti-Wal-Mart loonie saw them and started screaming–"Wal-Mart is ripping off the Girl Scouts! They're knock-offs of Thin Mints and Tagalongs!" Hmm, now does this mean that anyone who makes a mint-flavored chocolate cookie or peanut butter cookie is ripping us off? No, just evil Wal-mart, those Basty Nastards.
Wal-Mart also sells pop-corn. Does that mean they're ripping off the Boy Scouts too?
A few years ago, there were plans to build a Wal-Mart near my home town. People got all freaked out about it. They protested. They came up with a bunch of crazy reasons, none of which really made any sense. And they managed to block the new Wal-Mart. My mom was pissed. She would have liked to shop there. These are the same kind of people who protested the Wind Power turbines. That I don't get–would they really rather have a Nuclear Plant in their back yard?
Come ON, people. Protesting something because it really is bad is one thing. But protesting just because you CAN, or because YOU just don't like it, or it makes you feel powerful is just plain stupid.
Perfect example: now that these loonies have made a big deal out of these Wal-Mart cookies, people who wouldn't otherwise have even noticed them will now flock to Wal-Mart to try them. I hope our Wal-Mart gets them. I'm going to run right over there and buy some for my next food bender. And maybe pick up a couple more $3 Hawaiian shirts while I'm at it.
Wal-Mart ROCKS.
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